More Than Just Tea

On the calendar, we are sandwiched between Father’s Day and the 250th anniversary of the founding of our nation. We recently celebrated the men who assumed the roles of family leaders, protectors, providers, and caretakers, whether they are related by biology. Soon, we will further laud the men who shouldered those responsibilities for our nation – our Founding Fathers.

The term “Founding Fathers” was coined by Warren G. Harding in a speech to the Republican National Convention in 1916. Harding later used the term in a speech in 1921 and became the first President to refer to the men who led the establishment of America as “Founding Fathers.” Since then, the title has become an indelible part of the nation’s vocabulary.

There is much debate among historians and scholars about which men of the era qualify as Founding Fathers, not to mention the omission of women who were instrumental in forming the republic. One name that earns universal agreement of inclusion in that austere list is George Washington – General of the Continental Army, presiding officer of the Second Continental Congress, and the first President of the United States.

Washington is the GOAT (Greatest Of All Time, to quote the kids) of the Founding Fathers. Yet, ironically, Washington had no biological children of his own.

When Washington met and married Martha Dandridge Custis, the eventual First Lady, she was a widow with two children. Martha had been married to Daniel Parke Custis, a wealthy and politically connected Virginia plantation owner. Daniel Parke Custis was 37 years old when he met 16-year-old Martha Dandridge. They married when Martha was 18 and had four children; two died very young.

The law of the day required Washington to become the legal guardian of Martha’s minor children John “Jacky” Custis and Martha “Patsy” Custis. The law, however, did not, nor could it, dictate the kind of stepfather Washington should be.

Historians agree that Washington doted on his stepdaughter Patsy, who began showing signs of epilepsy at age 6. He personally sought out remedies and medical care for Patsy and attended to all her needs until she died at age 17.

His relationship with Jacky was more strained. Jacky has been described as lazy, lacking in a desire to learn, and indulged by his mother. Washington sent him to boarding school and later arranged for him to attend King's College, now Columbia University. Jacky eventually dropped out of college and married. He died in his twenties, leaving a widow and 4 children. George and Martha informally adopted Jacky’s two youngest children and raised them as their own.

According to writer and historian Ron Chernow, in his biography, Washington: A Life, Jacky acknowledged Washington’s love for him in a letter prior to his passing. He wrote,

“It pleased the Almighty to deprive me at a very early period of life of my father, but I cannot sufficiently adore His goodness in sending me so good a guardian as you, Sir. Few have experienced such care and attention from real parents as I have done. He best deserves the name of father who acts the part of one.” [Emphasis added]

It is difficult not to be struck by the parallel of Washington’s assumption of the role of stepfather and his ascension to his roles in the founding of America.

Washington was nominated to serve as General and Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army by John Adams. He wrote to Martha,

“…I assure you, in the most solemn manner, that, so far from seeking this appointment I have used every endeavor in my power to avoid it, not only from my unwillingness to part with you and the Family, but from a consciousness of its being a trust too great for my Capacity…”

Just as becoming the stepfather of Jacky and Patsy was a necessary part of marrying Martha, becoming General of the Continental Army was essential to secure liberty and independence. The same was true of Washington becoming the first President. Washington wrote to Henry Knox,

"My movements to the chair of Government will be accompanied by feelings not unlike those of a culprit who is going to the place of his execution."

Of course, we know that Washington accepted the position of President and served two terms before stepping down.

What Washington taught us as a stepfather, general, and President is that reluctance, anxiety, lack of self-confidence, or fear of failure are not excuses for avoiding one’s duty. That is true in families, communities, and nations. It is true in Orange Mound, too.

The founding mothers and fathers of Orange Mound have long since passed from this life. Many of the generations who came after them left the neighborhood. Those still here, like the My Cup of Tea ladies, are in a fight for economic liberty, freedom from violence, and the pursuit of happiness.

They need our help.

Buying a box of our limited-edition Libertea; making a one-time or monthly donation; hosting a tea party; volunteering to bring lunch; or hiring a My Cup of Tea lady to work at your business are a few of the ways to revitalize Orange Mound and impact the lives of the My Cup of Tea ladies.

Stepfather (or mother) or general, pray about how you can stand in the gap for Orange Mound and the ladies of My Cup of Tea.

GenXers will remember the peak of John Mellencamp’s music career in the early 1980s. In 1983, Mellencamp wrote and released what has become a classic American anthem called “Pink Houses.” The song rose to number 8 on the Billboard Hot100 chart and became a beloved Heartland Rock song played at political rallies by both Democrats and Republicans.

The song was inspired by a trip on I-65 through Indianapolis. Mellencamp passed by a Black man sitting on the front porch of his pink house. He was holding a black cat and watching the traffic whiz by his front yard. The first verse recalls those brief seconds:

There’s a Black man with a black cat

Living in a Black neighborhood

He’s got an interstate running through his front yard

Ya, know he thinks he’s got it so good.

When the song reaches the chorus, Mellencamp belts out the peppy lines:

But ain’t that America for you and me

Ain’t that America

Something to see, baby

Ain’t that America

Home of the free

Little pink houses for you and me

Except, the words are sarcastic and cynical. Mellencamp is saying that the American Dream is inaccessible to the poor and the working man. We’re told that we all can obtain our metaphorical “pink house,” but so many fail to realize it.

Orange Mound was once an example of the American Dream, as we have told you in the past. It is the oldest community in the nation built by and for African Americans. The first landowners and homeowners in Orange Mound were only a generation or less removed from slavery. The community thrived despite Jim Crow and segregation. African Americans owned thriving businesses, and many achieved middle income.

One hundred thirty-six years later, Orange Mound is not the same. Few would describe it as their American Dream. The decline began in earnest in the 1980s and 1990s with drugs, gangs, and a loss of good-paying jobs – about the time Mellencamp released his classic. However, there were and are many communities in Memphis and around the country which have never achieved the success Orange Mound once did.

Is it possible for Orange Mound to be a beacon of the American Dream again?

We believe it is.

Whatever one believes about American Exceptionalism, a much-debated topic today, it is undeniable that our nation’s people across generations exude resilience. As a nation, we not only survived the darkest days in our history—the Civil War—we became better for it. We fought World War I, which was supposed to be the war to end all wars, and lost 116,000 soldiers. We survived the Great Depression and fought World War II, losing 419,000 Americans. Vietnam and the fight for civil rights deeply divided our country even beyond the profound polarization we see today. We overcame these challenges, and in many cases, thrived beyond them.

We have seen American resilience in the lives and actions of the My Cup of Tea ladies over the last decade and a half. We also see it in many of our neighbors who joined Neighborhood Watch, support the community’s anchor, Melrose High, maintain their properties, and demonstrate “staying power” when others tell them it is time to leave. We see resilience in our many community partners, some who have been in the community longer than us – partners like Neighborhood Christian Center, RedZone Ministries, Christ Community Health, JUICE Orange Mound, and more.

July 4^th this year is the semiquincentennial (250th anniversary) of the founding of America. Some of our fellow Americans are not in the mood to celebrate because for many times are hard right now. But we can all be grateful for one of the defining characteristics of Americans – resilience.

To mark the occasion, we issue a limited-edition tea that we call Libertea. On the front of the box, we feature six very different, consequential women of the American Revolution whose resilience is on full display in their stories. Martha Washington spent time in the camps of the soldiers, treating their wounds. Abigail Adams was a fierce abolitionist and counseled her husband on matters of policy. Esther Reed wrote political essays at a time when women didn’t and urged citizens to sacrifice financially for the troops. Elizabeth “Mum Bett” Freeman took liberty seriously and was the first African American woman to successfully file a lawsuit for her freedom. Deborah Samson believed in the promise of our nation so much that she disguised herself as a man and fought in the Continental Army. Phyllis Wheatley published the first book of poems by an African American and rallied colonists with her themes of freedom for all.

Like the women featured on our commemorative box, some of the paths to our American Dream will be fraught with obstacles and disappointments. Getting there will be harder than it should be, but it’s not impossible; and the journey is worth the final destination.

At My Cup of Tea, we continue to pray that our gray house with the maroon shutters will be a portal for Orange Mound women to realize their “pink houses.”

A kind supporter and friend of our ministry asked me, as we enjoyed a light lunch just last week, if I had seen change for the better in Orange Mound over the past fifteen years.

 In reality, the change is slow, but the change in me has been absolutely for the better.

 Quite astonishing to most of our supporters and customers is  that there is a distinguishable gap between our collective vision for our beloved women in Orange Mound and their own readiness for change. I have often been in conversation with others in similar missions to the poor, who agree and recognize a similar weight in their lived experience. My hope, disappointment, faith, and the raw clarity of reality among the women we work with in Orange Mound daily occupy my prayers, time, and resources.  I am passionate, and I love this job.

The gap my peers and I share is not a failure of our love, efforts, or calling.  I frequently consider that  Jesus Himself faced the same in His three years of ministry in Galilee.  He walked among people who saw miracles, heard truth, and still chose their own way.  He did not stop loving them or walking with them. Nor do we.

Cheryl daily tells every new customer that “My Cup of Tea brings women out of poverty into a new posture of stability, strength, and hope”.

            Measuring that type of success has not been a priority for we are working among many layers of need with our friends here. Accruing stories of crossing women over into stability is qualitative, not quantitative. More importantly and of more consequence, we have been present in their instability. 

We have been a constant of encouragement, consistency, mercy, and Truth sharing.  Many negative voices repeatedly tell our ladies, “You can’t make it,” as well as “Just get by.”  We who are in their favor at My Cup of Tea, never weary of sowing seed of promise and hope, all the while knowing  we must continue in prayer to see them bear fruit. We are  in the cloud of witnesses with unwavering commitment. The volunteers we call Sisters are the cup holders, advocates, mothers,  teachers, friends, and fairy godmothers for all who  are willing to invite us in.

                Another missionary in Orange Mound, Linda Gilbert, often says, “Walking in each other’s shoes brings mercy and respect.” Walking in their shoes has given us a rare perspective. We are not looking at our ladies from a distance. We are walking in cadence side by side with all.  We celebrate their birthdays, we know their children’s names and grades; we know their debts, their bruises, their pregnancies, their firings, their aches, their medications, their unreliable cars, which we have named, and we know their fears. We have been to their houses, and we have advocated for change.  “Knowing” is the mission work.  There is no judging them; we are grieving with them.

                Occasionally, the only request of us is dollars to finish another day. We can easily slip into lament, for many of our deeper offerings are rejected.  I believe their financial hardships crack a vulnerable portal called ‘humility.’  She who asks for a loan is really saying, "I may not yet trust you with my soul, but I trust you with my embarrassment, and in truth, my survival."  We have walked through many harder doors with them, but debt is the most difficult because it signifies failure to them.

I’m often asked why I chose Orange Mound to begin our ministry for women.  Succinctly, I chose to follow Jesus, and He led me to the corner of  Carnes and Semmes, where He was already living.  He has not paved the street or smoothed the paths, but He has walked every step on the broken sidewalks with us, His kind voice:” Walk this way”, keeps us alert and refreshed, and  silences the request for a finish line.   That voice is the motivation, not the outcomes of our efforts.

The hardest part of the mission, especially in sharing the Gospel, is helping our ladies move from blaming circumstances or others for the mess they are in. Their part in their disquieting circumstances most often is the result of an immoral choice.  We have created a space where confession is safe and not shamed.  Jesus did.  He did not force repentance but was a safe place where it could and still can be encouragingly received.

 I spoke recently to a small group and used the word ‘renaissance ‘in view of Orange Mound.  It sounded inspiring, but has resounded in my ear as misinformed ever since. Without homeowners, there is no dedication to repair the brokenness that is still in view on every block.  We are committed to assisting in the courageous leap over the gap  to own a first home.

The renaissance is slowly happening quietly in the relationships between our disparate cultures.  Two of our abused women, victims of domestic violence,   came to work bearing their broken hearts and bruises last week, trusting us to pray for them and provide support.  Two of our ladies are faithfully paying back loans with each paycheck, in cash. 

Another renaissance is  evident in the hearts of our volunteers who have stayed when there has been no applause.  They  have learned the cost of following Jesus includes going into the dark alleys and hard places.  They have shown up and they have stayed.

 He who summoned us all with “Follow Me" is walking with us. His metrics are not in miles walked; His measurements are not in lives changed, but His recompense is crowns for those who have faithfully kept the pace.